


found

by sleqnir



Category: Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chris is dropping mad hints but Leon is stupid sorry, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Past friends with benefits, Recovery, Slow Burn, Trauma, leon has trauma up the wazoo, rated explicit for eventual sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 03:53:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleqnir/pseuds/sleqnir
Summary: They always found each other, somehow. Whether in crowds or on a deserted island, they always found each other. In glimpses on the street, during full moons in the rain. In a bar at 8pm, half drunk to death. They always found each other.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally inspired by the song “home” by daughter but then became inspired by like 6 other different songs so uh. let’s just say my chreon playlist is making me gay.

They always found each other, somehow. The gaps between their meetings didn’t matter. It could be a couple days, or seven months, or three years. They always found each other.

“What are you doing?”

Leon muses over the question for a while, swirling the hard liquor in his glass. He’s trying to think of something intriguing to say, and comes up with, “Waiting for you.”

Chris sits down next to him at the bar. “Seriously. I thought you quit this shit already.”

Leon doesn’t know whether he’s referring to the drinking or prompting Chris every time they meet. He wonders if Chris really is that tired of it, if it’s just a pity thing now. He wants to know, but doesn’t dare ask in fear it’ll end.

“Your liver could use a break.” Chris says, answering all of Leon’s worries. Was the tension that obvious, or does Chris just always know how to save the day? “How many have you had?”

“Dunno.”

“Four.” The bartender says.

Leon finally meets Chris’s eyes and sends him a drunken smile. “Four.”

Chris doesn’t look as amused. He just sighs. Leon’s head hurts, so he rests it down on the bar, mimicking Chris’s sigh. The cool wood feels good against his skin. Before Chris got here, it seemed that time was going by without him even noticing, but now that he’s next to him, it’s all slowed down. Or maybe that’s Leon finally registering the alcohol.

How did Chris know to find him here? It’s not like Leon comes here that often, and they haven’t seen each other in… ugh. He knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, he _does,_  but alcohol does wonders to the brain. There’s only two things Chris could be here for, though, right? Sex, or, more likely, a mission. Leon fucking hopes and prays it’s the first option, because he’s not in the mood to bring down another bioterrorist organization. He wasn’t really in the mood to get laid when he came here, either, but with Chris, it’s different. It seems Leon’s always ready to go with that asshole around.

“C’mon.” Chris says, grabbing Leon by the back of his jacket collar, nearly choking him. Leon grunts as he’s forced to stand and blinks away the dizziness.

“Get off me.” He grumbles, swatting Chris’s hand, but then almost immediately falls over without anything to balance him. Chris takes his arm and guides him out the door, and this time Leon begrudgingly allows it. They get to Chris’s car. It’s that godawful Hummer.

“I fucking hate your car.” Leon blurts. He hears Chris laugh, and it makes his head spin even worse than before.

“Sorry that the chariot isn’t to your liking, princess.”

Leon grumbles something he thinks is a fair insult back, but at this point even he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Chris puts him in the passenger seat and then the car growls to life. He watches as Chris looks over his shoulder to back up out of his parking spot, admiring his fucking gigantic biceps. He doesn’t even think to ask where they’re going. He doesn’t really care. There’s only two places they could go.

“Leon.”

“Mm?”

“That’s the third time I’ve said your name.”

“Oh,” He blinks. “What?”

“I asked how you were doing. Home life.” Chris repeats. He looks vaguely tense about something. Leon rests his head against the window and tries to think through his foggy brain.

“Uh… s’good. The same.” He says. Chris glances over and gives him a look, and Leon makes an annoyed sound. “ _What?”_

Chris shakes his head. “If it’s the same as the last time we met, then it’s not good.”

“It’s fine.” Leon insists, being stubborn. “Why do you care anyway?”

“Believe it or not, people care about you, idiot.” Chris says, although that’s not an answer to what Leon asked.

Leon feels like opening the door and jumping out of the car. He doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. He’s considering it for a moment, wondering if he could successfully roll off to the side of the road before getting hit by another vehicle, when a hand on his leg startles him. He looks down, at the hand on his knee, and then back up at Chris’s face.

“Why do you make everything so hard for yourself?” Chris asks, and Leon hates the worried, sad tone of his voice. They’re pulling up to a red light, though, all the more forcing Leon to deal with the situation. Chris is really looking at him now, right at him, not just a side glance every now and then when he’s driving. “Don’t you want to be happy?” He squeezes Leon’s knee.

Something in Leon’s drunken idiot brain very obviously misreads the situation, because he reaches over to unbutton Chris’s pants.

“Leon! What the fuck are you doing?” Chris says, shoving Leon’s hands away. Leon is halfway leaned over the armrest trying to get as close as he can, fully intending on putting Chris’s dick in his mouth. “Christ, Leon, why do you always _do_ this?”

Leon frowns, looking up, very drunk and confused. “Isn’t this what you came for?”

Chris gives Leon a look that turns his heart to stone; one of hurt and desperation. Maybe mild disgust… maybe full blown disgust. He’s too drunk to figure it out, but not too drunk to not take the hint. He sits up and backs away, pressing himself to the car door, as far away from Chris as he can get. Chris doesn’t answer, and Leon doesn’t ask again. He just looks out the window as the light turns green and the car moves forward.

After a couple minutes, Leon vaguely registers Chris has turned the car around and they’re going the way they came. He asks about it.

“I was goin’ to take you to my place, but now I’m taking you home.” Chris answers gruffly.

This doesn’t make any sense to Leon. “Why the hell would you take me to your place if not to fu—”

“God _dammit_ , Leon!” Chris shouts, hitting the steering wheel, and Leon flinches, mouth snapping shut. “Why is it so hard to believe that I just fuckin’ _care_ about you? Why is it always sex? I know you lost Ada, but you’re losing everyone else by pushing them away. So can you just shut the fuck up and let me in?”

Leon does just that, and doesn’t speak for the rest of the car ride.

When they get to his apartment, Chris unlocks the door when Leon hands him the keys. The first thing Leon does is go to the kitchen to get even more drunk, but Chris pushes him down to sit on the couch. “You’re not drinking more. Just sit here.”

“Don’t tell me what to do. M’not a fucking baby.” Leon attempts to stand up, but Chris just pushes him again.

“I said sit _down_.” Chris says. His tone is so commanding, Leon can’t help but obey. Chris turns on the TV, then tosses the remote in Leon’s lap. “Just watch somethin’ for a while and sober up.”

Leon sinks back into the couch. He doesn’t know what’s on, but he’s too annoyed and too drunk to bother flicking through channels. He won’t admit it, but it’s easy to just do what Chris says. He doesn’t have to think about what he’s doing when he’s given orders.

At some point, he falls asleep, and wakes up to Chris shaking him lightly. Leon rubs the blur from his eyes and rolls his shoulders, wincing at the ache in his neck from sleeping while sitting up. His jacket is off, too, though he doesn’t know when he took it off, or if it even was him who took it off. Chris leads him to the kitchen island and they sit across from each other. There’s spaghetti waiting on the counter, served in a bowl with a glass of water.

“Sit and eat.” Chris says, and Leon does.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Leon says about halfway through eating.

“You wouldn’t have eaten otherwise.”

 _Good point_ , Leon thinks, but doesn’t say.

He’s starting to feel a bit more sober, but not 100% there. The food helps, and although he won’t admit it, so does the company. And then that makes him wonder: why won’t he admit it? Why won’t he say it?

 _Because I hate myself. Because I don’t deserve him here._ Is the immediate answer, and okay, yeah, he needs to stop thinking about that. He’s already made things awful enough, Leon doesn’t want to make it worse by bursting into tears or something. God. Wouldn’t that be an image.

He startles as Chris takes his hand. It seems Chris is really full of surprises tonight. And what is it with these constant looks? What is it Chris wants from him? Why would he want anything from Leon in the first place?

“I’m sorry… about what I said about Ada.” Chris says, and Leon knows he means it.

Leon deflates a little. “It’s okay. You were right.”

There’s a pause, and Chris looks like he’s mulling over whether he wants to say something. Leon half hopes he will and half hopes he won’t; both anticipating the question but dreading the answer.

“Spit it out, Redfield.”

Chris smiles, and Leon decides maybe it’s worth it, just for that, even if he dreads the answer.

“Do you really think all I wanna do is have sex with you?” Chris’s smile dissipates. “That I don’t care about you besides that?”

“Of course not,” Leon says quickly. He knows, he _knows_ Chris cares, but he just… he just… “I don’t know. It’s just different with you.”

Chris’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” Leon backtracks. “I’m drunk.”

“No, hey, what do you mean?”

Leon feels sick again. Maybe he ate too much. Pulling his hand out of Chris’s grip hurts, but he needs to back away. He can’t be here right now. It feels like the walls are closing in. He doesn’t want to confront these feelings, especially not to Chris; he doesn’t want to admit the things inside of him that have been there for years. He’s perfectly happy letting it stay there and tear him apart and ache forever.

When Leon looks at Chris, all the thoughts he’s buried deep, everything he never wants to say, floats to the surface.

_I don’t deserve you. You make me feel in a way nobody else ever has, not even Ada. I don’t want to drag you down. Stop bothering me. I wish you’d come by more often. Leave me alone. I’m sorry. I miss you. I think I love you._

Leon hates how time slows when Chris looks at him. It’s like the moment never ends, and Leon is forced to stay in it. Chris has always been so rock solid, so sure of himself in everything he does. He has a strong sense of justice and he’s a natural leader. He seems like he always knows what to do, what to say, what he’s feeling. Leon’s nothing like that. He’s always second guessing himself.

“Stop running away.” Chris is standing in front of him now, a hand on his wrist, keeping him there. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“No,” Leon panics internally, looking away. “It’s nothing. I’m going to bed.”

“You’re not goin’ anywhere until you tell me what’s goin’ on.” Chris states firmly. “Look at me, Leon. You can’t keep running away from everything. It’s not healthy. I don’t know what’s wrong, but you need to face it. You have people who can help you, people who are here for you… you have _me_ , Leon.”

Leon speaks before he can think. “But I don’t have you.”

Chris looks surprised, then, not expecting that answer. “What do you mean? I’m right here. And you know you can call me any time.”

“ _Can_ I?” Leon pulls his arm back. “And what would I say? And what would you _do_ ; drive over here? I—”

“Yes.”

“What?”

Chris takes Leon’s hand again. “If you asked me to, I’d drive over here. Leon, I’d do just about anything for you.”

Leon tries to pull away again, but Chris’s grip is tight, and Leon feels too weak to really fight back. Chris grabs his other arm and pulls him in closer, just a bit to show he’s serious. “You can’t keep pushing me away like this. You’re not just a casual hookup, Leon, I care about you. Why do you always shy away from me? You said I was different, but I don’t know what you mean. So for once, just be forward with me, okay?”

Leon’s not afraid of Chris not returning his feelings. Ada never gave a damn about him romantically and yet he still yearned for her. It’s not rejection that he’s afraid of, it’s being abandoned. He can't bear the thought of Chris distancing himself from Leon, or worse, failing to keep his word and not coming when he calls. He’s afraid of Chris losing interest and realizing Leon isn’t as interesting as he seems; that there really is nothing more to him than what’s on the surface.

It’s easier if it’s Leon keeping this distance between them. That way he can control it, make sure they don’t get too close so it won’t hurt as much once Chris leaves. It’s fine like this.

It’s _fine_.

So he pulls away from Chris again.

And this time, Chris lets him go.

————

Leon dreams of one of his and Chris’s previous encounters. When was it? So long ago, it’s too confusing to try to remember. They’d just gotten back from a mission. It was around the time Leon started to get tired of his job. He’d been miserable, despite their success, and Chris had healed the pain.

Leon had initiated it, like he always did, and Chris had gladly pressed him into the wall and showed him with big hands and a warm mouth everything Leon wanted.

At first it was a good distraction, but then they just didn’t stop, and a hotel room and three hours later they were curled up in each other like one being. It was almost romantic, what with the open bottle on the bedside table and the way Leon could hear Chris’s heartbeat when he laid his head on the man’s chest. They actually talked, and they laughed, and everything felt good for once, and Leon didn’t have any nightmares that night.

But then the morning came and Chris was still asleep, and as all good things came, Leon had to ruin it and run away. He wonders what it felt like for Chris, to wake up and see he was alone in bed with Leon nowhere to be found. He wonders how shitty that must have been.

His dream shifts to another time they’d met. The beginning of their series of hookups. Back in Leon’s twink days; a fresh rookie who had just survived a nightmare, yet still needing a distraction. Chris, who had ten times the experience and was willing to take the challenge. Leon remembers how Chris had bent him over the table and taken him so hard the wood creaked. They’d had many encounters after that, all in a short period of time, but then Leon had to go to Spain. And then he met Ada again, and everything changed once more.

They always found each other, somehow. Whether in crowds or on a deserted island, they always found each other. In glimpses on the street, during full moons in the rain. In a bar at 8pm, half drunk to death. They always found each other.

Leon wakes with a start. He looks over, blindly searching for who he knows isn’t there.

Funny how he pushes Chris away yet always seeks him out.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon’s stupid and can’t see what’s right in front of him through the haze of his own self hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my friends who keep encouraging me to write and not give up! Emma, Joel, Tee, Lena... this is for you <3 thank you!

In the morning, Leon checks his phone and there’s a text waiting for him. It’s from Chris. Leon didn’t expect that at all, he had just assumed Chris would leave and stay gone. Maybe it’s a goodbye text, or a “just kidding we actually do have a mission” message. 

When he opens his messages, though, his eyes widen. 

 

**Hey Leon . I was wondering if next weekend you’d like to go bowling with me . ☺️ LMK . (Claire says that means “let me know” . )**

_ Sent at 8:28am. _

 

Leon stares at the text in absolute fucking awe for about three minutes. 

It takes him two days to reply. For the first day after the text, he spent all day considering the possibilities. Was this a polite way for Chris to end whatever connection they had between them? Or was this him trying to break the ice and get Leon vulnerable to invite him into another mission? No, it couldn’t be. Chris would only ask Leon if it was an emergency, and if he had time to wait a week, it’s not an emergency. 

Leon, being an incredibly intelligent and logical man, drunk texts back on the second day. In the morning, he rereads what he sent, and closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

 

**fuck yeha** __

_ Sent at 1:13am. _

 

Real fucking smooth, Kennedy. He sends another text. 

 

**Sorry. Yes, I’d like to go. Time and place?**

_ Sent at 11:02am. _

 

He gets a text an hour or so later with the details. Chris doesn’t mention Leon’s embarrassing drunk text, thank god. They decide on which bowling alley and at what time, and if they’re both driving or if one of them is picking the other up. Chris insists he picks Leon up, to which Leon eventually agrees. Chris probably still thinks Leon can’t drive… well, he  _ has _ crashed almost every vehicle he’s driven, but it’s really not that bad! 

The day for the gettogether eventually comes around. Leon forgets about it until 10 minutes before Chris is supposed to be there. He sees the time and curses loudly from where he’s on the couch, scrambling around his house trying to find something to wear that isn’t sweatpants and a worn t-shirt. 

He isn’t dressed to the nines or anything, but hey, it’s bowling. And he showered yesterday, so he should be fine, right? He put on deodorant, he doesn’t smell…

He smells his shirt, just in case.

Leon deems himself in the clear and double checks he has everything he needs with him. Chris knocks at the door a couple minutes later, and Leon goes to greet him. When he sees Chris, he feels his chest tighten up. 

Oh god. Chris is so  _ hot _ . 

He’s not particularly dressed up, either, but Chris makes even casual clothes look sexy. He’s got dark jeans, clean boots, a simple t-shirt, and a leather jacket on. Leon doesn’t feel underdressed, just… next to Chris, he can never compare.

“You look nice.” Chris smiles, but Leon can’t meet his eyes. It’s hard to look st Chris straight on sometimes. 

He manages to speak, though. “Thanks.” He says, and then gestures to the car. “Well, uh, I’m ready. So let’s go.”

The drive to the bowling alley isn’t very interesting. They don’t talk. Leon just sits there in anxious silence. Maybe he should have complimented Chris back. For ten minutes, he tries to think of something to say. He keeps making little glances over at Chris, wondering if Chris feels as uncomfortable as he does. What the fuck is he supposed to say? 

Without thinking, he says, “I’m going to murder you at bowling.” 

Chris lets out a surprised laugh. “I guess I won’t be going easy on you.”

Leon cracks a smile. “Good. It’s not as fun if the loser isn’t at least trying.” 

“Oh, so I’m gonna lose? Is that what you thinks gonna happen?” 

“Obviously. There’s no other possible outcome.” 

They bicker back and forth like that, playfully teasing one another for the remainder of the ride. The tension dissipates to become a more relaxing atmosphere. Leon finds himself actually anticipating the events to come. He’s  _ excited _ , and he hasn’t felt that in a long time.

They get to the alley and pay for a lane and shoes. Leon is reminded of how fucking ridiculously big Chris’s shoe size is, and then remembers that one saying…

“Come on,” Chris says, snapping Leon out of his thoughts. He follows him to their lane and Leon messes with the settings for their game on the computer. 

“Make sure not to put—wh— _ hey! _ ” Chris exclaims, pushing Leon to the side when he sees Leon is typing out ‘LOSER’ for Chris’s name. Leon snickers as Chris deletes it and types in his name. “You’re really pushing your luck, Leon. You better watch it, I don’t wanna hurt your ego too badly.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Leon scoffs and crosses his arms. “Whatever you say, Redfield. You don’t have a chance.”

 

———

 

Forty-five minutes later, Leon’s staring at the scoreboard in complete and utter confusion. 

“It doesn’t make sense.” He says, almost hysterically. “It’s not possible.”

Chris is sitting back with a very smug look on his face, admiring his work, looking very proud of himself. 

“I—I had it down to the  _ angle! _ ” Leon exclaims, looking between the scoreboard and Chris. “I was doing  _ math! _ ”

Chris throws his head back at that, laughing, and Leon feels his cheeks warm. He quickly looks away, grumbling as he goes to set up the next game. They still have another hour. Maybe if they’re quick, they can do two more games. 

“Yeah, laugh it off, Redfield.” He grumbles. “Rematch, okay? I’m gonna win this time, no fucking around.” He grabs his ball and goes up to the lane, huffing. 

He flinches when he feels a hand on his lower back. Chris is suddenly close, very much in his personal space. “Here,” He says, soft voice laced with amusement. “It’s because you’re rolling it wrong. Let me show you, like this.” His other hand takes Leon’s wrist and guides his arm. Chris is almost pressed all the way up to his back. Leon can’t even pay attention to what Chris changed, all he can feel is the breath on the back of his neck.

“Now try again.” Chris steps back, and Leon feels dizzy at the loss of warmth. So much physical contact, and now none. 

“Okay,” he says, and then rolls a gutter ball. He scowls as he watches the pins be collected and set back into place. 

The rest of the game is like that, with Chris stepping in to correct Leon’s roll. He does significantly better than before, but still not enough to beat Chris. The game also takes twice as long as before. When they’re finished, Leon’s skin still feels all buzzy and weird in the places Chris had touched him. His stomach isn’t doing much better. 

“So?” Chris smirks at him as they’re returning their shoes. “What was that was about  _ murdering  _ me at bowling?”

Leon rolls his eyes, grumbling. He’s not a poor sport—okay, maybe just a little bit—he’s just… still a little uneasy. There has to be a catch to this, right? There’s no way that this could just be them hanging out. There has to be something else. He had been too distracted with playing the game to think about it, but now that they’re finished he can’t get it off his mind.

But then something catches Leon’s eye. There’s an arcade in a room near the exit, full of bright and colorful flashing lights. Chris had insisted on paying for the bowling, maybe Leon could return the favor with this. 

“Come on,” Leon says, grabbing Chris’s arm. “I’m gonna beat your ass at  _ this _ .” He drags the man over to the arcade and finds a machine that exchanges bills for quarters. The arcade is almost empty except for a few kids trying to get something out of a crane machine. The youngest girl is peeking over, standing on her tiptoes as tall as she can to look in at the various stuffed animals. 

“How about this?” Chris says, examining a first person shooter game. He’s eyeing the red and blue toy plastic guns you aim and shoot with. Leon thinks it’s a shit joke at first, but Chris smiles at him expectantly.

“Oh, yeah. Move over, I’m blue.” Leon nudges Chris out of the way and puts quarters in the machine. He picks up the lightweight gun. It’s supposed to be a pistol.  _ Perfect _ , he thinks dryly.  _ My expertise. _

Their mission, according to a very stereotypical drill sergeant berating them on the screen, is to kill aliens, and as many as possible. At least it’s not zombies. They’ve been dropped into the middle of a tropical jungle, and Leon thinks he sees Chris tense for a second. 

The game starts, and they lift their guns and begin. The aim is a little off, but the two of them quickly adjust and obliterate every enemy. Their score at the bottom of the board is racking up points quickly, and their own individual kills are shown at the top of the screen, as well as the time limit. They play silently, and kill every single enemy. The boss battle isn’t particularly hard; it just requires the players to shoot at the giant alien’s flashing weak points. 

Leon gets more kills than Chris, but only by three. Their high score is at the very top of the board, and the game asks for three initials to put in. Four of the top ten on the leaderboard are named ASS. 

“What do we put?”

“Chris and Leon.”

“There’s no ‘and’ sign.” Leon says, scrolling through the letters. “Chris and Leon Kennedy?” It’s only after he’s said this does that make it sound like they’re married, and something about  _ that  _ thought causes another weird, warped reaction in his stomach. 

“Sure.” Chris sounds distracted. Leon quickly types it in and admires their huge lead as first place. He knows kids will be trying to defeat it for a long time. Leon looks around to see if there’s any other game worth playing, but Chris very clearly looks like he wants to leave. Leon feels bad for suggesting the arcade, but it _was_ Chris who picked _that_ particular game. Still, though.

Leon awkwardly shifts his weight. “That sucked.”

Chris meets him with a half-hearted amused look. “Yeah.” 

“Do you wanna go?”

“If you don’t mind.”

Leon nods, because of course. He gets it. He gets it better than anyone. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s the way autumn smells after rain. Sometimes it’s black trench coats. Sometimes it’s police cars. Anything can stem a reaction, even video games. They’re not fighting anymore, they’re safe, but they’re not  _ safe _ , because everything is a reminder of what they went through.

Leon’s still got like ten quarters left, so he gives them to the kids still struggling to get something from the crane machine. The youngest girl hides behind her older sister, peeking out from behind her legs. They thank Leon for the money and excitedly get back to their mission, more determined than before to win a prize. 

“I’ll drive.” Leon offers once they’re in the parking lot, cause Chris still seems distracted. Chris looks like he wants to protest, but Leon doesn’t let him. “ _ Redfield _ , Christ, it’s fine. Give me the keys.”

Leon doesn’t crash the car, but he does almost hit a curb. Keyword  _ almost _ , it’s  _ fine _ .

Chris tells Leon about that new restaurant that opened recently, and Leon drives to it, following Chris’s soft spoken directions. When they get there, Chris pauses in the car for a moment and takes a deep breath.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it. You know I get it.”

“I know.” Chris’s smile looks a bit more relaxed. “I just wanted this to be fun.”

“It is,” Leon insists. “I’m having fun.” He means it, surprisingly. It’s been enjoyable. Spending time around Chris is always nice. Leon’s still afraid, but… it’s nice. It’s better than the calamity going on inside his head all the time. 

They get a booth by the window once they’re in the restaurant. It’s got a nice homestyle diner feel to it, and it gives Leon nostalgia. The waitress is pretty, and she reminds Leon on Claire. He says so once she’s left after taking their order, and that gets Chris interested, because any mention of Claire has him fondly talking of his sister for hours. So they talk about Claire for a while; how she’s doing, what she’s up to. Leon regrets to admit he hasn’t talked to her in awhile. He makes a mental note to call her sometime soon. 

“Thanks for back in the car. I’m feeling better now.” Chris says. He does look better. His shoulders are relaxed and his eyes don’t look so distant. It’s the quickest recovery from Chris Leon has ever seen, but then again, he always bounces back. It’s just who he is. “Claire finally convinced me to do something about it. Therapy isn’t as stupid as I thought it would be. And the AA helps, too.”

Leon blinks. “You’re in therapy? And AA?”

“Yeah, look.” Chris pulls out his wallet and takes out a big coin excitedly. “It’s my two month chip.”

“Oh, wow.” Leon takes it and rubs his thumb over the marking. It’s pretty. Something in his chest curls, and he doesn’t know what it is. He hands it back. “Chris, this is awesome. Good job, man.” 

He’s thought about it. Of course he has. But in the end he just always pushes everyone away. It just—it wouldn’t work. There’s no use. He’s a lost cause already. 

“I know you’re skeptical. So was I. But it’s been helping a lot so far.” Chris puts his wallet away. Leon knows what he’s going to say and braces himself for the lecture about how he’s not doing what he should be. He’s failing. He’s a mess. He needs help.  _ You’re hurting everyone you love. You’re gonna end up killing yourself. Why don’t you want to be happy? Why do you break everything you touch? Why are you so fucked up?  _

“Maybe you could come to AA with me sometime. I think you’d like it. My homegroup is really cool.”

Leon looks up in surprise from where he’s been picking at a scratch in the table. That’s not what he expected to hear. 

“I—”

“Just think about it.” Chris says. “You don’t have to give me an answer now.” There’s a long pause, and Leon swallows. He doesn’t feel hungry anymore. “I know what you’re going through, and maybe this could help, is all I’m saying. If you really don’t want to, then don’t. But it’s just something to think about.”

Chris is resting his head in his hand and smiling at Leon. He took his jacket off some time ago, and so his arms are bulging and fucking huge and Leon is reminded of how perfect Chris is. He’s handsome, he’s kind, he’s funny, he’s taking care of himself. He’s doing a thousand times better than Leon in every way. He’s finding happiness. He’s learning to heal. 

Leon wants to be a part of that. He doesn’t want to have it for himself, he wants to have it  _ with Chris _ . Them, together. 

But Leon doesn’t deserve any of that. He doesn’t deserve to stand next to Chris, to share any of that with him. He’d just drag Chris down in the end.

“I’ll think about it.”

Chris finds a new topic to talk about. He doesn’t talk about work, thank fucking Christ, cause he knows Leon can’t stand to hear it. If Leon hears the word B.O.W. one more time he’s seriously gonna shoot himself. He doesn't want to know a goddamn thing about it unless it’s from his own boss asking him to come in.

Somehow they get on the topic of exes. Leon doesn’t have any material on that subject. Other than one night stands and that weird, indescribable, one-sided thing he had with Ada, Leon has only ever been with… well. And even that wasn’t an actual relationship, just a lot of hookups. Leon’s just… not good with that stuff. Romance has never been his forte. 

Chris explains he had been seeing someone for about half a year, but that it didn’t work out, and they broke up months ago. In the back of Leon’s mind, Leon realizes this is why Chris never came around the past year. He was with someone else. This is a very conflicting realization for Leon. He’s happy because Chris is single—and of course he feels guilty for being happy about Chris’s relationship not working—but he’s upset at the idea that Chris was with someone. He’s  _ jealous _ . Leon’s reminded of Piers, and how he had been jealous of his relationship with Chris. He’s still not even sure if Chris and Piers were ever a thing. 

Leon’s so cruel; he won’t even let Chris close, yet hates when he’s dating other people. It’s probably for the best they don’t become romantic. Leon has too many issues that could stem up problems in their relationship. It’s not fair for Chris to have to deal with him.

After they’ve finished eating, Chris excuses himself to use the bathroom. Leon catches him talking to their waitress on his way there, but they’re too far away for Leon to make out what they’re saying. The waitress glances back at him just sitting there and then covers her mouth, blushing and giggling at something Chris says. Leon scowls and looks out the window. He’s probably flirting with her. Whatever. He tells himself over and over in his head that he doesn’t care, thinking if he relays the message enough that it’ll become true.

Chris comes back a bit later, and a minute after, the waitress places a chocolate milkshake in the middle of the table. She’s smiling brightly as she puts two straws inside, and winks at Leon when she says, “Enjoy, you two.” Then she walks off, looking very giddy with herself.

It takes a full twelve seconds for Leon to realize what’s happening. He looks from the disappearing waitress, to the milkshake, and then back up to Chris, who’s looking a little pink but still smiling warmly. 

“This is a date.” Leon says, voice filled with dread.

Chris blinks, and raises an eyebrow, amused. “Uh… yeah? What, is sharing a milkshake too cheesy for you now? Surely you’re not gonna…” his face starts to fall as he realizes what Leon is realizing. “You… didn’t know.”

Leon’s ears feel too hot. Of  _ course _ he didn’t know. How could he? Chris never  _ specified  _ that this was a date. He just said he wanted to hang out. But then again, it’s Chris, who’s never asked him to do something like this before, so how could he have missed that? And all of this had seemed strange, and too good to be true—Leon had even thought so earlier himself. Chris had helped him at the bowling alley and paid for everything and offered to bring him to AA and  _ oh my god Leon is an idiot.  _

“It’s fine.” Leon shakes his head, reassuring himself more than anything else. 

“You don’t want it to be a date, do you?”

“No, it’s great,” Leon nods, pulling the milkshake close. “It’s fine. It’s okay. Look, I like it.” He takes a drink, but the sweetness just makes him feel sick. He’s so stupid. He’s  _ so _ stupid. 

“Leon.” Chris sighs. Leon can tell he’s trying to hide his disappointment, and that only makes him all the more nauseous. How could he have been so blind? If he had just paid attention like he was supposed to, he wouldn’t be putting Chris through this right now. Leon’s embarrassed the both of them. 

“Do you want to go?”

Leon just blushes hotter. “Yes.” 

They leave, and Leon tries to ignore with all his being the concerned look the waitress gives them as they’re paying.  _ Just pretend this isn’t happening right now, pretend it’s normal and it’s fine and that you’re not a total fuck up.  _

He knows he’s not helping himself any by beating himself up about it, but  _ god _ . God. He really fucked it up this time.

“I’m… sorry about not making my intentions more clear.” Chris says when they’re in the car and he’s driving Leon home. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Leon’s quick to avert the blame. “It’s my fault. I was being oblivious. Don’t… it’s okay. I’m the one who embarrassed you.”

Chris purses his lips. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same.”

He chokes on air. “What?”

“If you don’t have feelings. Y’know, if you’re not interested. It’s alright if you don’t feel that way about me.” Chris is talking calmly, but his grip on the steering wheel looks tight. “I won’t take it personally, is all I’m saying.”

Leon’s afraid of having Chris too close. Chris will leave, he’ll realize Leon isn’t worth the effort. He’ll realize he’s wasted his time and that Leon isn’t good for anything other than killing zombies and casual sex once every year. But he  _ yearns  _ for Chris in a way he hasn’t for anybody else. He wants him, and so badly, too—he’s just too scared. Leon doesn’t know if he can make that leap of faith. Chris is far too ahead of him, Leon isn’t sure if he can catch up. He doesn’t want to disappoint him by being so behind. But he needs to make a decision, he can’t just leave Chris in limbo. Leon knows that’s fucked up, he can’t lead Chris on. He won’t do that to him. 

_ It’s either hurt him now and he’ll see it was for the best in the long run, or end up getting hurt yourself. So make a choice, Kennedy.  _

_ You or him? _

He opens his mouth to speak, but stops dead when his eyes meet Chris’s own. Everything he’s just thought about flies out the window. All the blood from his brain drains as he’s reminded of how gorgeous Chris is—and how funny, and how kind, and brave, and strong, and—and perfect in every way, despite all his flaws. And how much Leon  _ wants _ him. And how Chris wants him, too. 

“I… just…” 

_ Make a choice. _

“I need to think about it.”

Leon turns away, ashamed at doing what he just told himself not to do, still feeling Chris’s eyes on him. For a second, everything is becoming too tense too quickly, but then Chris laughs. Leon feels defensive, and asks, “What?”

“You just always gotta keep me on my toes, huh?” He smiles and shakes his head. His gaze is directed at the road, the sunset glow casting handsome shadows on his skin. “I’ll never get bored of you, Leon Kennedy.”

And just like that, Chris Redfield has opened a whole other can of worms of feelings for Leon to deal with. He spends the rest of the ride home looking out the window, hoping Chris can’t see his red face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m still not 100% sure if I’ve got Chris and Leon’s personalities down, so if I’m writing OOC, I’m sorry :( this was so frustrating to write omg like even I just want them to get together already. I’ll try to update regularly but it’s not a guarantee. At the least it’ll be monthly updates and I don’t plan for this fic to be more than 10 chapters. Probably 5-6. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beach Episode You've Always Wanted!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo sorry this took me so long to update, I've been really busy with school but I'm on spring break right now so I'm trying to write a lot while I can!! Here's a longer chapter to make up for it.

At home, once Chris has dropped him off, he nurses a bottle in bed and wonders if maybe somehow it could work. Chris talks about it like it’s easy. What does Leon know? He’s never had anything solid with someone before. Maybe it is easy.

.....

No, yeah, that’s just the alcohol giving him rose tinted glasses. Nothing is ever easy, especially for Leon. That stuff never comes naturally to him. It’s no wonder Ada was never interested.

Leon examines the bottle, thinking about what Chris said. What he implied. Leon knows he has a… _problem_ … with drinking. He knows it’s not exactly normal to drink as much or as often as he does. He knows it’s not healthy for his mind or his body, but he does it anyway. And that’s what addiction is, right? You want it even if it kills you.

The idea puts a sour taste in his mouth. Leon closes his eyes, thinking about how happy Chris had looked talking about his recovery. He thinks about how Chris had smiled and the excitement in his voice when he spoke. He thinks about how Chris had secretly gotten their waitress to bring them a milkshake to share. But most of all, he thinks about how Chris had said his full name in the car, full of affection; how he had laughed and smiled like it was all going to be okay.

————

Leon doesn’t forget to call Claire. She picks up halfway through the second ring with a loud, “Leon!”

Leon winces and moves the phone away from his ear. She’s so loud sometimes, and he’s still hungover. “Uh, hey, Claire. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m alright! Gettin’ things done like usual! How’ve you been, though? You makin’ it okay?” Her voice is so cheery, clearly happy to hear from him. It makes Leon feel a little warm inside, knowing that Claire cares like that. She always answers when he calls.

“Surviving.” He says, and he can practically see her sad smile.

“Y’know you can always tell me anything, Leon. And you can come over, too! Anytime you like. You know me and ‘Becca are always happy to have you.” Claire rushes the last part, and Leon knows that’s just more of her asking Leon to come over soon. He rolls the idea in his head for a second.

“That sounds really nice, Claire. Maybe I’ll visit sometime soon.”

Barely a second after he’s spoken, Claire quickly jumps in and says, “Well I’m actually having a beach party next week and you should totally come!”

“A… beach party? What’s the occasion?”

“Just cause! I think it’s fun to have everyone over for no other reason than to spend some time together, don’tcha think? Summer’s almost over, so we gotta soak up some sun before it goes away!” Leon can tell that Claire already has everything figured out. Whenever she has an idea, she sticks to it and won’t let it go. It’s an endearing trait of hers.

“So will you come?” She asks.

Claire is one of the few people Leon can’t say no to. It’s near impossible. She was there, with him—well, for some of it, but more than anybody else—when the world turned to shit. It was his hope of finding her again that got him out of Raccoon City. Claire understands, and not a lot of people do.

“Of course.”

So for the second time this month, Leon has made plans for a social engagement with a Redfield. Leon doubts this will be anything like what happened on him and Chris’s… _outing_. He’s kind of relieved that it’s Claire, because he knows he’ll be fine as long as he just sticks by her side most of the time. Surely other people he knows will be there, but he’d rather just spend time with Claire. The beach isn’t really his thing, but if it’s to make Claire happy, Leon will do it.

What’s the worst that could go wrong?

————

Everything.

“You didn’t tell me that—” Leon realizes halfway through his sentence that he can’t finish it. _That Chris would be here._ “I… nevermind.”

Claire raises an eyebrow. She’s got her hair tied up in her usual ponytail, a pretty white and yellow flower tucked by her ear. Rebecca had put it there earlier. “Didn’t tell you what?”

“It’s… nothing.” He mumbles, crossing his arms and looking away. Leon’s doing everything in his power not to look over at Chris, who’s talking to someone over by the punch bowl.

Claire had set up her little party in a pavilion she reserved at the beach. The air was warm but the shade made it bearable. Drinks and food were set up buffet style along two long tables pushed together. People sat and ate at picnic tables. Nobody had yet gone out to the water, but the party had just started. The sun was bright and shining with almost no clouds in sight. The water glittered and reflected the sun’s rays. Everyone was happy, smiling, laughing, eating. It was straight out of a painting.

Except for that Leon was the only one wearing pants. He stood out like a black sheep. He doesn’t know what the hell he was expecting; he didn’t even bring a swimsuit. Hell, he didn’t even _own_ one.

“Are you sure?” Claire gently places a hand on his arm. Leon can’t handle her worried face, so he bites the inside of his cheek and tries to relax. He’s doing this for her. He can still have fun even though Chris is here, he’ll just ignore it.

“Yeah, sorry. Just not, y’know,” he gestures at the scene. “I’m not great at parties.”

She gives him a soft look. “Oh, Leon! It’ll be okay. You’ll do fine. There’s nobody here you haven’t met at least once.” She checks her phone quickly. “And Sherry says she’ll be here any minute!”

Leon’s attention locks onto that. “What? She’s coming? How far is she?” He’s looking over Claire’s shoulder, trying to read her texts. This new information has his stomach doing flips. He hasn’t seen Sherry in a long time. She’s the closest thing to a kid he’s ever had.

“Hey, nosey! Stoppit!” Claire laughs, pushing him away. “Just relax. She’ll be here soon. See? You’re gonna have fun today, whether you like it or not, so just let it happen.”

Leon huffs, but he can’t hide his smile. She’s right, like always. “Alright, alright… lay off me. Just as long as you’re not making me join a conga line.”

Claire smirks.

Leon blanches. “Wait, Claire, no—”

Claire just laughs, still looking smug. “Okay, cowboy. Go get us some food, I’m gonna find Rebecca.”

Leon doesn’t trust that completely, but he does as she says and goes over to the buffet tables, filling two plates. He’s aware of Chris to his left, still by the punch bowl, still talking. But it’s fine, he doesn’t have to acknowledge him. Just… don’t… look… over…

He steals a glance, and their eyes meet. Chris smiles at him, and Leon nods in greeting. It’s actually not as awkward as he thought it would be, but he doesn’t risk the chance of it becoming so, and looks away quickly.

Leon carries the two plates back to the picnic table Claire is sitting at, careful not to drop them or bump into anyone. Rebecca and Claire are chatting and holding hands, and Rebecca already has her own plate of food. She must have gotten it when Claire and Leon were talking. He sets Claire’s plate in front of her and sits next to her.

Leon doesn’t even get a chance to begin eating, because a bright voice yells, “Claire! Leon!”, and Leon is immediately swinging his legs back over the bench and standing to meet a running Sherry, who barrels straight into him with a big hug. He would have fallen over if it weren’t for the table behind him. Leon hugs Sherry tightly. Her hair is still the same, short style, and the flower on her headband crumples as she presses her face into Leon’s chest.

“Jesus, you’re strong.” Leon laughs breathlessly, then winces as Sherry squeezes him tighter. “Ah, Sherry… too tight…”

“Sorry.” She grins and pulls away. “I just haven’t seen you in so long! I really missed you, Leon.”

Leon pats her head, smiling down at her. “I missed you too.”

Sherry sits with them, snuggling in between Claire and Leon. The conversation comes naturally, and for the first time in a long time, Leon feels at home. It’s easy to feel like he belongs here when his favorite people, his _family_ , are right there next to him. He just wishes it hadn’t taken him so long to come around. Leon’s biggest regret is not spending enough time with the people he loves most. Better late than never, though, he supposes. He just hopes it stays like this. He hopes everyone can forgive him for hiding away for so long.

There’s only about fifteen people at the party, but it seems like more. Claire was right when she said Leon’s met everyone here, but he still doesn’t really _know_ some of them. It’s fine, though; the atmosphere is calm and welcoming. Everyone sits down to eat and talk. Some people even brought games. Leon recognizes a relaxed game of poker happening two tables over, money bets being replaced with food.

Sherry gets out a game board she had brought with her and their table plays an invigorating game of Clue. Rebecca is the first to win, very quickly figuring out the culprit. “Intuitive as ever, Rebecca.” Leon comments, and she smiles at him. She starts explaining how she knew the answer, mentioning past turns and missing information.

There’s some light commotion at another table, nothing too loud, but Leon instinctively looks up when he sees something in his peripheral. Chris is getting up from where he’s sitting and announcing to his table mates that he’s heading to the beach to swim. With one swift motion, Chris pulls his shirt over his head, revealing abs and pecs for days. The man is pure muscle, and he’s like a magnet. Leon can’t look away.

“Leon… Leon… _Leon!_ ”

“What?” He looks over at Claire, his brain feeling slow. Both Sherry and Rebecca are watching him, too. “Sorry, I just…”

It’s like he can’t control his eyes. They keep migrating back to look at Chris and _oh god he’s rubbing sunscreen all over himself_ _oh fuck shit shit shit_ —

“Distracted by something?” Rebecca is looking very smug. Leon wants to bury himself alive. This is so humiliating; if he could just get his stupid gay brain to work properly for one second this wouldn’t be happening right now.

“Nope.” Leon says, and then looks over at Chris again. Just like everything else about him, his tits are fucking _huge_. Leon realizes he’s looking again and blushes, ignoring the girls’ stares. “Fuck. Shut up.”

“You sure it’s nothing?” Claire laughs.

“I can’t hear you cause I’m walking away right now.” Leon groans, starting to stand up so he can run away, but Claire takes his arm and keeps him anchored to his seat. He tries to tug it away from her, but knows it’s no use.

“Okay, okay, relax. We’ll quit teasing… but I do think you two should talk.”

Leon squirms in his seat. “About what? There’s nothing to talk about. It’s not gonna happen, alright? So just leave it be.”

Claire rolls her eyes at him. “That’s not true and you know it, but I won’t push you.” She holds his arm tighter, so that she’s hugging it now. “Since you wanna take it off your mind though, how ‘bout a game of volleyball? We should start before the sun gets too high.”

“I’m not really dressed for that.” Leon reminds her.

“Oh, right.” Claire glances him up and down, looking at his outfit. “Well, you could watch then, I suppose…”

“How about we go find some seashells, Leon?” Sherry pipes in. “I want some souvenirs. I don’t really want to play volleyball.”

Claire looks less concerned now. “That’s a good idea! Get us some nice ones, too.”

Sherry takes Leon’s hand and drags him down to the shoreline. They walk together for a while, but Leon isn’t able to contribute with Sherry finding all the good shells before him. Her eye is quicker for this sort of thing. Leon looks up to glance out at the water and finds the beach isn’t packed. It’s nice, not having to weave through tons of people. Leon doesn’t like crowds.

He almost runs into some kid’s sandcastle because he’s not paying attention to where he’s going. “Oh f—crap!” Leon just narrowly misses destroying the thing. “Sorry…”

The little boy gives him an annoyed look but quickly goes back to perfecting his creation.

“Maybe you should go back.” Sherry says, giggling. “Or maybe just go look along the way we came for shells we missed? There’s not as many people over there. I can tell you’re a little distracted, you don’t have to stay with me if you’d rather be alone.”

Leon squeezes her hand in appreciation. Sherry always has an immediate understanding of what Leon’s feeling. She probably got it from Claire. He thanks her, and she kisses his cheek and sends him on his way.

He feels a bit bad about leaving her behind, so he actively hunts for a shell that he knows she'll like. Something to make up for it, maybe. Leon walks back the way they came, searching the shoreline for any newly washed up shells they didn’t pick up. He finds a couple nice ones, completely intact and in multiple bright colors. One of them is shiny, glinting reflected light in the sun.

Leon ends up falling back into his thoughts and goes on autopilot walking down the beach looking for shells. He thinks about the party, and all the people here, and how he probably hasn’t been making a good impression by walking along the beach by himself because he’d rather be alone. He was having fun for a while, but then Chris made him feel weird again, and now he’s feeling kinda gloomy. Christ, he’s a loser.

He thinks about what Claire said. _That’s not true and you know it._ Of course it’s true. Why wouldn’t it be true? There’s just no plausible way it would work between Chris and Leon. He doesn’t understand why Chris is interested, but he knows it won’t last. Leon has nothing to offer.

The soft sound of the waves rolling against the shore catches his attention, and he ends up staring out at the glittering ocean. It’s bright, and he has to squint, but it’s kinda nice. Pretty. Leon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second, trying to figure out the emotions that swirl inside him like a brewing storm. When he opens his eyes again, he feels a little better. Something catches his eye, though. A dark blue shell, freshly carried onto the sand by the water, wet and shining. Leon bends down and picks it up, flipping it over in his hand and rubbing its surface. It’s been worn smooth on the underside by the waves and sand.

He kinda wants to give it to Chris.

Leon rubs the bumpy side of the shell and walks for a while longer. He doesn’t look for anymore shells, satisfied with the last piece of his collection. He just watches the water and the sky. There are some grey clouds in the distance, but Leon doubts it’ll come to anything. It wasn’t supposed to rain today.

“Hey.”

The voice makes Leon jump out of his skin, and he drops all the shells except the dark blue one, which he grips tightly. Finding the source of the noise makes him close his eyes and look away indignantly. “Fucking Christ, Chris!” He huffs through his nose. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry, I thought you saw me.” Chris is in the water, crouching in the shallow end so the water is almost up to his shoulders. “What are you doing out here?”

“What are _you_ doing out here?” Leon snaps. “Nobody is on this side of the beach. You should stay close to the party.”

Chris chuckles. “So should you. We’re both over here, Leon.”

“I was looking for shells.” Leon says, bending down and picking up the ones he dropped. “Sherry and Claire wanted me to find them some.”

“Oh, nice. Wish I’d brought scuba gear or something. We could have looked in the water.”

“I don’t really want to get wet.” Leon brushes the sand as best as he can off the shells. “I don’t have a swimsuit, anyways.”

“Yeah, I can tell. You stand out like a sore thumb. You’re wearing shoes on the beach.” Chris says, smiling warmly. “You look stupid.”

For some reason, Leon’s cheeks burn. “Shut up. _You_ look stupid.”

“You can’t even see me, I’m in the water.”

“Yeah, and your stupid head is poking out.”

Chris laughs. He looks away for a moment, out at the water and the people farther along the beach. Leon looks, too. Kids and parents and couples and friends and family all having fun. The volleyball game is going strong, it seems. Leon watches Rebecca smack the ball hard and win a point for their team.

“Why are you over here by yourself?” Leon finally asks. It’s been bothering him. This part of the beach is almost abandoned. Chris didn’t seem like someone to stray from a crowd.

“I’m not anymore.” Chris says. There’s something in his eyes Leon can’t quite recognize. “You’re here with me.”

“I guess.” He mumbles, looking away again. He's not sure how that made him feel.

“You should swim with me. The water’s nice.”

Leon shoots Chris a look. “I told you I don’t want to get wet. I don’t have a swimsuit.”

“Just strip to your underwear. Nobody’s looking, it’s fine.” He says it with such assurance that Leon almost immediately gives in.

“No, I’m not—wh—hey!” Leon takes a step back as Chris splashes water at him. “Chris!”

Redfield looks too smug for his own good. It’s so stupid. It’s so easy to say no. He could walk away. He could tell Chris to fuck off. Leon’s a grown man, he’s not gonna give in to _peer pressure_. He does what he wants; he’s well known for being annoyingly stubborn. This is a dumb idea and he’s not interested in splashing around in his fucking underwear like an idiot with Chris.

He starts taking off his shoes.

A minute later he’s up to his chest in the water. “Don’t splash me.” He glares at Chris. Leon doesn’t want to get his hair wet, at least. Now that he’s in the water, he’s not sure what to say or what to do. They’re alone together. He realizes this is the exact opposite of what he had wanted when he first saw Chris was at the party.

 _Is that what you really wanted?_ That small voice that always makes him second guess himself squeaks in the back of his mind. _You say you want him to leave you alone, but is that what you really want?_

He remembers the car ride back home, the bowling alley, the milkshake, the bar. All the times they fucked. Leon remembers the ache of longing every time he left in the morning. He feels like any moment he’ll snap from being strung so tight. It all builds, piling and piling and piling, and he denies himself any relief by keeping it all inside.

Leon’s toes curl in the sand and closes his eyes with a sigh. He feels a hand on his hip and shudders, knowing Chris is close.

“What’s wrong?”

Leon crosses his arms, hugging himself. He feels too vulnerable. “Nothing.” His eyes open and his heart pounds in his chest as Chris’s other hand brings him closer. Leon braces himself against the man’s chest, stopping the hug from going too far. “Wait. I can't."

Chris’s grip loosens slightly. “Why?”

The question stuns him, and for a moment he can’t reply. “I just—I can’t.”

Chris’s brows furrow, assessing Leon. “You’re afraid… Why?” His eyes are deep, searching Leon. His stare is so intense Leon can’t look away.

_I want you so much it scares me, but I’m afraid you’ll leave. I’m afraid you’ll abandon me._

“It’s just a lot,” He says instead, which isn’t necessarily a lie. “I don’t… know if I can handle it. If it goes bad.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you. It’s okay if you need time.” Chris lets go, and Leon feels cold all over. Chris is looking at him like he’s afraid he’s just messed it up. He’s being so cautious, and it’s something about Chris’s eyes that turns a tide in Leon.

He wants that touch back. He wants _more_ than Chris’s touch. Leon feels bad; he doesn’t want to lead Chris on. He can’t do that to him. Chris has only ever been understanding, kind, patient, gentle. He tries his best to do what Leon asks. Leon’s thankful for it, he’s not sure anyone has ever gone this far for him before. He knows he can be stubborn and frustrating with how particular he gets about things, but Chris is okay with it. He’s willing to back off, he’s willing to wait, he’s willing to stop pursuing completely.

There’s nobody like Chris. It’s been obvious this whole time, but it really hits home now. There’s never been anyone like him before, not to Leon; it’s always been him. All those nights with Chris, all those lingering kisses he broke away from first, all those days he spent wondering when he would see Chris next. It’s _always_ been him. In the end, it could never have been anyone else.

“Leon, I really care about you. I hope you know that.” Chris says softly. “I know sometimes you don’t believe it, but you’re one of the most important people in my life. And, y’know, even if we’re just friends, I don’t wanna ruin our relationship.”

Oh, god, how could he be so stupid? _It’s always been_ _him_.

In a moment of rushed panic, Leon lurches forward, throwing his arms around Chris’s neck. The kiss is warmer than the sun shining on them. Leon’s nails dig into Chris’s shoulder from how hard he holds onto him. Every ounce of desperation comes bubbling out of him from where he’s repressed it deep inside. It’s so good he could melt; it’s so good it hurts.

“Leon,” Chris groans into his mouth, his strong arms wrapped around Leon to keep him close. Leon scratches the back of Chris’s neck, right at the base of his skull, and it rips another groan from him that Leon swallows in their next kiss.

It seems like only seconds have passed when Claire says, “You guys are in public, you know.”

Leon feels dizzy as Chris sharply pulls back. He’s still not entirely there, but it quickly floods back as he processes that Claire’s caught them.

“Uh.” Leon says, sounding very intelligent.

Claire has a towel under her arm and raises her eyebrow at the pile of clothes at her feet. “You’re still wearing your underwear, right?”

He burns more red than before. “Jesus, Claire, _yes_. I’m coming, hold on.”

Leon averts eye contact and takes the towel she offers as he gets out of the water. He can hear Chris following behind. He wraps himself up in the towel and dries off as best as he can.

“I see you didn’t think this through.” Claire teases, shaking off the sand from his clothes. “So, did you two finally figure it out?”

They both speak at the same time.

“I—”

“Well—”

Chris laughs, looking a little nervous and flushed. Leon’s heartbeat spikes again. _He_ made Chris like that, didn’t he? He hides his smile into his shoulder as he continues to dry off.

“We’re, uh…” Chris continues. “Going… slow. I think?” He’s still got that nervous little smile. _Cute._

“Yeah.” Leon mumbles, still hiding behind the towel. His voice is slightly muffled.

Claire sighs and hands Leon his shirt. “ _Finally_ , geez.” she says, but she looks genuinely happy. “It’s about time. Anyways, c’mon. There’s a thunderstorm warning on the radio, so we should probably pack up.”

“The forecast was clear today.” Leon says, but the dark clouds that were once in the distance are growing closer.

Chris’s face falls. “I’m sorry, Claire. You didn’t even get to finish your party.”

She waves him off. “Ah, it’s fine! Everyone had fun while it lasted. I’d say it was worthwhile.” She winks at him. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

They make their way back to the pavilion. Leon looks like an idiot, but thankfully nobody says anything. And even if he did, he doesn’t think he’d care; Chris’s hand stays on the small of his back, and the touch settles all his nerves.

It’s probably not going to be easy. But the way Chris looks at Leon has to mean _something._ Maybe Leon can be content with just that for a while, until he figures out the rest of the turmoil inside him. Maybe it’ll work out. Maybe it won’t. But it’s worth giving a shot, right? Leon doesn’t know where this is headed, but like every other impulsive decision he’s made, he’s hoping in the end it’ll all be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed! It was nice to finally resolve some of that tension. But this is by far the ending!! We still have a bit left to go. Updates may be a bit more slow until I finish school. Thanks for reading! :^)

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll try to update frequently, I promise next chapter is more lighthearted ;__; ! Idk how many chapters this will be, I don’t intend to make it very long though.. also sorry if I’m not using certain punctuation correctly grammar is hard


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